Off Hiking

Enjoying the desert sunshine in Zion. Be well, I'll be back next week.

Connection & Belonging

Love Does That

All day long a little burro labors, sometimes

With heavy loads on her back and sometimes 
just with worries

About things that bother only burros.

And worries, as we know, 
can be more exhausting

Than physical labor.

Once in a while a kind monk comes

To her stable and brings a pear,

But more than that,

He looks into the burro’s eyes and 
touches her ears

And for a few seconds the burro is free

And even seems to laugh,

Because love does that.

Love frees.

-Meister Eckhart

Mindfulness & Metta, Loving Awareness

I’ve been thinking about connection and belonging and how they relate to mindfulness and metta. What happens when we connect with others? What happens when we feel we belong? Belong to ourselves, our families, our friends and our community; the threads that weave and bind us.  We show up week after week to sit together, to practice together. None of us could do this without the other. Our practice depends on it. We could actually say that our lives depend on it, because they do. What a thought!

Each week in class we spend about 30 minutes focusing on mindfulness practice and about 10 minutes practicing metta. But I think we’re actually doing both at the same time. The more I practice, the more I find that I cannot distinguish one from the other. Of course there is a literal distinction between the practice of continual non-judgmental noting and naming of whatever is arising, “planning, planning,” or “thinking, thinking” or “breathing in…breathing out,” and the classical recitation of metta phrases, “May I be happy, May I be safe, May I be well.” But at their core, I believe their ultimate intention is the same; to settle the mind, open the heart, and cultivate a soft resilience that allows us to be present and engaged in our lives without rancor or contention. 

Mindfulness really is inherently kind, and being kind is by nature mindful. They are intimately and inextricably linked. The outcome of a clear mind is a loving heart. Jack Kornfield aptly names this “loving awareness.” When we intentionally infuse our lives with loving awareness, our connections deepen and our sense of belonging grows.

Larry Yang is one of the founding teachers of East Bay Meditation Center in Oakland, as well as a guiding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center. He encourages approaching metta by “being kind to the practice of kindness itself.” I love that. By intentionally making kindness the starting point, we cannot help but be less reactive and less judgmental. It makes life so much easier. Larry is realistic, however, and acknowledges that it’s not always so easy to feel and act with a kind heart. It’s natural and normal to struggle, and we can’t always get it right, or be kind. 

Try this practice:

“If I cannot be loving, can I be kind?

If I cannot be kind, can I be non-judgmental?

If I cannot be non-judgmental, can I be non-harming?

If I cannot be non-harming, can I cause the least harm possible?”

I’ve added to this practice in reverse:

“When I have caused harm, may I learn to be non-harming?

When I experience non-harming, may I learn to be non-judgmental?

When I am non-judgmental, may I learn to be kind?

When I am kind, may I learn to be loving?”

A Rabbit Noticed My Condition

I was sad one day and went for a walk;

I sat in a field.

A rabbit noticed my condition and

Came near.

It often does not take 
more than that to help at times-

To just be close to creatures who

Are so full of knowing,

So full of love

That they don’t -chat,

They just gaze with their

Marvelous understanding.

-St. John of the Cross

Doubt; the last of the Hindrances

A few days ago the phone rang while I was cooking dinner.  A man introduced himself as calling from some web site, and because he was speaking so quickly, I did not catch his name. All I heard was that he wanted to verify details about my credit card. I immediately thought it was a scam, someone trying to trick me into giving just the right information so my card could be stolen. He had enough personal data about me that I didn’t immediately hang up, but rather suspiciously and abruptly said “Who ARE you?” And once again, he said dropping his tone and pace so I could understand him, “Mme, my name is Ray and I am trying to help you.” At which point he recited my full credit card number with all of the correct verifying information, along with my full name, address, and clearly he had my home phone number. He also had my full attention.  Again I said “Where did you get this information and who ARE you?”  I was so suspicious and alarmed that I was having trouble listening. I doubted everything he said about his legitimacy. Again he explained the purpose of his call. It turned out that someone was, indeed, trying to use my credit card to make a $7500 purchase on his web site. Because this was a highly unusual order, he was suspicious and decided to track me down. I still didn’t believe he was the innocent merchant until he finally emailed me the lengthy exchange between him and the supposed customer. Attached to the email was a copy of a hand written purchase order with my forged signature. I didn’t doubt Ray any more. He really was a Good Samaritan looking out for both of us.

In the Satipatthana Sutta, the Hindrances are part of the fourth Foundation of Mindfulness, Mindfulness of the Dhammas, (dhammas in Pali, dharmas in Sanskrit) defined as the truth of how things are, the patterns and categories of experience, the natural law of conditons. Doubt is the fifth and last of the Hindrances. The Buddha described the mind filled with doubt like a bowl full of dark and muddy water. And overcoming doubt is like crossing a dangerous desert safely. As with the other hindrances, knowing when doubt is present and knowing when doubt is absent is where we begin.

The expression to be “plagued by doubt” describes this hindrance very well. If one is plagued, one may feel confused, stuck, unable to see clearly, indecisive. Phrases like “I can’t do it,” “It won’t work,” “It’s not a good time,” are examples of the doubting mind, one that can be self-defeating and self-sabotaging. In the context of meditation practice, this kind of doubt is a hindrance to concentration, reflection and insight. Outside of meditation, the doubting mind can also be a hindrance to growth, exploration, creativity and appropriate action.

A well-known teaching on another kind of doubt is from the 18^th century Zen teacher, Hakuin Ekaku. This kind of doubt is not a hindrance, but functions as a significant and necessary doorway to understanding.

“Great Doubt, Great Awakening

Little Doubt, Little Awakening

No Doubt, No Awakening”

The Buddha taught that the antidote to doubt and the skillful way to address doubt is through investigation. Looking into the nature of the doubting mind with interest and curiosity lifts the fog of doubt. As the fog lifts, more light comes in. The lighter it gets, the clearer we see and the doubt is transformed into greater awareness and understanding. With greater awareness and understanding, wisdom grows. With more wisdom, the more skillful our actions become.

Meditation Instructions:

Start with one of the concentration practices that feels most natural to you; simply being with the breath, focusing on the in-breath and the out-breath, reciting phrases, or tuning into the natural ease and peace of the moment.

Once the body and mind are settled, repeat the question “What is it… What is it?” Take your time and observe. I learned this from Martine Batchelor, a former Zen Buddhist nun. She taught that to bring whatever difficulty is present under the bright light of “what is it” focuses the attention so directly that understanding emerges. This is a very simple yet profound practice.

“The emergence and blossoming of understanding, love, and intelligence has nothing to do with any tradition, no matter how ancient or impressive – it has nothing to do with time. It happens on its own when a human being questions, wonders, inquires, listens, and looks without getting stuck in fear, pleasure and pain. When self-concern is quiet, in abeyance, heaven and earth are open.”      

      -Toni Packer, The Work of this Moment

Restlessness-and-Worry

The restless, agitated mind,

               Hard to protect, hard to control,

The sage makes straight,

               As a fletcher the shaft of an arrow.        

Like a fish out of water,
               Thrown on dry ground,

This mind thrashes about,

               Trying to escape Mara’s command.       

The mind, hard to control,

               Flighty – alighting where it wishes-

One does well to tame.

               The disciplined mind brings happiness. 

-The Buddha, from The Dhammapada, Gil Fronsdal, Translator

Over the weekend I went out rowing with a friend, both of us in single sculls. We got on the water about an hour past high tide, the wind just barely a whisper, the sun in and out of the clouds, and the air was almost balmy. We watched egrets and great blue herons stand tall along the banks tucked in the even taller grass, large flocks of coots run across the water in a flurry as we came along, noisy Canada geese squawking overhead, and an osprey hunting for its breakfast. Pretty nice for a spring morning on Humboldt Bay.  And, of course, it didn't last. In a heartbeat, the wind came up and the water started to chop. The current seemed to be moving in figure eights. With the tide rushing out and the waves coming in we needed to get off the water. Rowing in a racing scull in waves is dangerous and takes focus, balance and stability. The conditions were not good, I was worried, and the safest way to row was to concentrate...the antidote to the fourth of the Hindrances, Restlessness-and-Worry.

In the Satipatthana Sutta, the Buddha’s discourse on the Four Foundations of Mindfulness, he uses two sets of similes to describe the effect of the Hindrances on the mind when they are present and when they are absent.  When present, “restlessness-and-worry affect the mind like water stirred by the wind…causing one to be tossed about.” And when absent, “to be free from the agitation of restlessness-and-worry is like being liberated from slavery. Restlessness-and-worry can control the mind to such an extent that one is completely at its mercy.”

Working with this hindrance is the same as working with the others. Apply mindfulness. Know when it is present, know when it is absent. Allow the restlessness-and-worry itself to become the object of meditation instead of the obstacle to meditation.  

Investigate its nature. What does it feel like in both the body and mind when it’s present? Be curious. Investigation coupled with curiosity allows the stepping back from the demanding nature of restlessness-and-worry, the insidious way it holds the mind hostage. With mindful awareness, one can begin to see the causes and conditions that give rise to the state, along with the necessary conditions that allow it to dissolve. From this perspective, it is possible to directly experience just how fleeting and impersonal the hindrance actually is.

If the hindrance is absent, note what this feels like. The absence, too, can be the object of meditation. Gaining an awareness of the mind at ease is just as important as being aware of the mind caught in a snag. This awareness becomes a point of reference, a new set point for the next time difficulty arises. The more familiar you are with the experience of the natural ease of the mind, the more accessible this relaxed mind can be.

Practice Suggestions:

For the mind caught by restless-and-worry, try this concentration practice. Be sure to allow a relaxed breath in between phrases and see if you can get a sense of how each phrase actually feels in the body.

May I be grounded in my body

May my heart be open and stable

May my mind be clear and balanced

May I breathe in this moment with ease

When the mind is free of the hindrance, try this very lovely practice from Ajaan Amaro, a widely known teacher in the Thai Forest Tradition.

Sitting comfortably,

“Let the mind and body assume the natural ease and peace that is the natural ease and peace of the mind and body. Only attend to what disturbs the natural ease and peace.”

Breathe, recite the instructions several times, try to get a sense of this in the body. Take your time. Come back to it as often as you like.

Mara, the Tempter

In Buddhist lore, Mara is the tempter, the one who personifies unskillfulness and unwholesome impulses, the evil one. Mara is the one who does everything he can to convince the Buddha to give up his quest for enlightenment. As the Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree, determined to meditate until he became enlightened, Mara sent his three daughters Tanha (desire), Raga (lust), and Arati (aversion), to seduce him and break his concentration. With each temptation and distraction, the Buddha said “Mara, I see you. I am not afraid.” Finally, it is said that as the Buddha became enlightened, Mara was swept away by a great flood. 

The story of Mara is a wonderful tool for looking at the things in our lives that scare us, hinder us, deter us, confuse us, and keep us from believing in and trusting our basic goodness, our innate wisdom. It is important to note that this wasn’t the end of Mara. He appears over and over again in the Buddha’s life because the Buddha was human. He, too, faced the challenges of living a human life, just like us.

When the voice of doubt, fear, craving, self-judgment, surfaces try saying to yourself, “Mara, I see you.” This is mindfulness. This immediately sees things for what they are and cuts the storyline. It may not stop the thought, but it brings a wise and skillful understanding to the situation. If you can also say “I am not afraid,” you bring an added willingness and degree of courage to truly be with what is. This is not easy. It’s a practice.

Meditation Instructions from Sylvia Boorstein

May I meet this moment fully – coming to meditation we bring all of ourselves; the parts we love, the parts we avoid, and even the parts we may not know. There is space for everything. After silently saying the phrase, check in with the body, the feelings of pleasant, unpleasant, or neither, the thoughts and emotions, how are things today? What is present? Breathe.

May I meet it as a friend – approaching oneself in this moment, as a friend; what does it feel like to offer yourself the security, trust and kindness of a good friend? Does the mind relax? Does the heart become more available? Breathe.

You might coordinate the phrases with the breath. One phrase on the in-breath, one phrase on the out-breath. Or one phrase with each full breath cycle. Take your time, focus on the intention of the phrases and notice how they make you feel. No need to rush. Try this for your entire sit, or for just five minutes. When I do this, I feel a sense of brightness and ease in the meditation. It’s lovely.

Watching the moon,

at dawn,

Solitary, mid-sky,

I knew myself completely:

No part left out.

Izumi Shikibu

(from a Japanese woman a thousand years ago)