Literally Speaking… Sticks & Stones

I’m a very literal person. Sometimes I see words as I speak, and I see words as I hear them. So you can imagine as a child when my mother would admonish me to “Watch your mouth!” after I’d said something unkind or sarcastic, I would try scrunching and twisting up my face trying to literally watch my mouth as I said “You mean like this?” I think it must have infuriated her.

As a kid, I was never part of the “in” crowd. From about third grade through fifth grade, I was the butt of many jokes. My hair was long, dark, extremely thick and frizzy, my body was chunky, I had buck teeth, and I loved musicals. During lunch or recess my friend, Cindy, and I would stand under a enormous oak tree at the edge of the playground and take turns singing songs from Oliver!, The Sound of Music, or Hair auditioning  for each other and then grading the other’s performance. I was a nerd.

PE was a dreaded time of day, as I suffered the regular humiliation of being picked last for every team, not able to do a single push-up or pull-up, climb a rope or run with any speed.  I frequently feigned sick so I could go to the Principal’s office to avoid that 45 minutes of torture. The playground was an even more dangerous and scary place. Without much supervision, I was an easy target for kids whose entertainment was bullying other kids. For me, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” was completely untrue. The names and the words were just as painful as the imagined sticks and stones.

Preceded by Wise Thought and Intention, Wise Speech is the next and third step of practice of the Eightfold Path. The Buddha defined Wise Speech as speech that is truthful, useful, kind, gentle and appropriate. By using language that meets these requirements, we cannot help but access our innate goodwill.  By watching our thoughts and intentions, we will be more likely to catch ourselves before saying something we’ll later regret. It’s hard to overstate the importance of how we use language, either written or spoken. What we say matters and how we express ourselves profoundly influences the effectiveness of our message. And, it is a lifelong practice.

“Like a beautiful flower,

                      Brightly colored with scent,

               So are well-spoken words,

                      Fruitful when carried out.”

                               The Buddha, the Dhammapada

Try dedicating a week, a day, or even an hour to speech practice in any of the following ways. This is a challenging practice that requires steady patient mindfulness, so pick just one. Once you begin, if you forget about the practice, just note that you’ve forgotten and begin again.

·        Say only what is precisely true; no distortions either by omission, embellishments, or exaggerations, just the facts.

·        Only speak if what you have to say is helpful, not just because it feels good to say it.

·        Deliberately avoid gossip by resisting speaking about anyone not present.

·        Use kind words motivated by kind thoughts and intentions. Restrain yourself if this isn’t possible.

·        Speak gently, not harshly. Notice the quality of the thoughts before speaking.

·        Use good timing by making sure that what you’d like to say is appropriate to the situation.

·        Notice if you’re planning your response while the other person is speaking. When this occurs, you’ve probably stopped listening.

·        Pause before responding. This gives you time to gather your thoughts, check in with your intentions and choose your words well.

The benefits of these practices are good for everyone. When I think about experiences that have given me the most joy, the most love, and the secure feeling of being valued, it’s undoubtedly kind words that have had the greatest impact.  Likewise, some of my most painful experiences, whether I was the giver or the receiver, have been caused by unkind, mean-spirited words, either written or spoken.

I know that when my intentions are clear and motivated by goodwill, and when I am really paying attention to my language and the tone of my voice, the quality of my interactions is kinder, more genuine, and more respectful, even and especially with difficult conversations.

    “When talking, 

      I should speak from my heart on what is relevant,

      Making the meaning clear and the speech pleasing.

      I should not speak out of desire or hatred,

      But in gentle tones and in moderation.”

           Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life

Intention for the Week

Think Kind Thoughts, Use Kind Words

Last week was the first anniversary of our daughter’s wedding. All week long I kept finding myself remembering the sweetness, the love, the joy, the delicious food, music, and gorgeous gardens, but mostly remembering the palpable goodwill and generosity of everyone there. Weddings are like that; they help us let go of ourselves long enough to feel the joy of others and for others, and offer blessings of love and living a life of kindness. There is a lot to be said for thinking good thoughts.

The second factor of the Eightfold Path is Wise Thought or Intention. I like to think of it as both thought and intention because they are not the same as each other. The mind thinks thoughts, but it’s what we do with those thoughts that matters. In the classical Buddhist teachings, Wise Thought/Intention is comprised of three components: renunciation, (letting go of the quality of desire that keeps us locked in the handcuffs of incessant craving), goodwill, and harmlessness. For instance, having an unkind thought and not acting on it is an example of all three components. In fact, noticing the unkind thought and deliberately letting it go and replacing it with a kind thought is not only skillful and well-intended, but good for the mind and heart, one’s spirit.

The thought manifests as the word
The word manifests as the deed
The deed develops into habit
And the habit hardens into character
So watch the thought and its ways with care
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings[1]

The Buddha taught that “what one frequently thinks and ponders upon will become the inclination of the mind.” This is really true. As I found myself reminiscing about the wedding, I felt happy and uplifted. Conversely, anger works the same way. A person who has predominantly angry thoughts is likely to feel unhappy, distressed and angry. The brain works likes that.

 Another way of saying this comes from neuroscience. “In 1949, Donald Hebb, a Canadian neuropsychologist, wrote what has become known as Hebb’s axiom: ‘Neurons that fire together wire together.’ Each experience we encounter, whether a feeling, a thought, a sensation—and especially those that we are not aware of—is embedded in thousands of neurons that form a network (“net”). Repeated experiences become increasingly embedded in this net, making it easier for the neurons to fire (respond to the experience), and more difficult to unwire or rewire them to respond differently.”[2]

Further, the brain has a natural negativity bias, as if it’s Velcro for the difficult and Teflon for the pleasant. This is actually very good news because with mindfulness practice, we train ourselves to notice thoughts and then be deliberate about what to do about them. It’s been shown that by focusing on positive thoughts for 30 seconds five times per day, and noticing how they feel, moments of well-being, that over time we can actually change our wiring making our default setting closer to the happiness end of the spectrum.[3] I think that is amazing.

What’s even more amazing to me is that the Buddha figured that out 2,500 years ago through his explorations of his own mind.

All experience is preceded by mind,

Led by mind,

Made by mind.

Speak or act with a corrupted mind,

And suffering follows

As the wagon wheel follows the hoof of the ox.

All experience is preceded by mind,

Led by mind,

Made by mind.

Speak or act with a peaceful mind,

And happiness follows

Like a never-departing shadow.

               The Buddha, The Dhammapada

And for our more contemporary minds, this comes from a dear friend, 

         “Think kind thoughts, use kind words.”

 I love that. It really encompasses the intent of mindfulness practice. Perhaps it’s the whole of the Dharma.

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[1] Unknown source, though sometimes attributed to the Buddha and other contemporary teachers

[2] Curt Thompson, MD, www.beingknown.com, July 14, 2010

[3] James Baraz, Awakening Joy, 2010

Olive & Gray-Sea

Anything can happen any time.

In the pre-dawn hours of July 4^th, Olive, our 3 ½ year old German Shepherd began to whine, trying to wake us up. She wasn’t feeling well. I got up, she threw up, and we went outside. It’s not so unusual for a dog to get an upset stomach, so I didn’t think much of it and went back to bed. When I got up about 6:30, I discovered over the past couple of hours, Olive had become terribly sick thoroughly soiling the floors and rugs throughout the downstairs of the house. It was a stinking awful mess and she looked terrible. I let her outside and began to clean up. Five minutes later my husband, Bill, came downstairs and immediately went outside to check on her. He couldn’t find her anywhere. Our house sits on five acres at the end of a dirt road with a creek running along the southern border for a good distance. Much of the property is wooded, and there is a large amount of riparian growth between the creek, the large open yard and our house. Olive could have been anywhere, and though she has excellent recall and does not wander, she wasn’t responding to our calls.

After about ten minutes of looking, we began to get extremely concerned and frightened.  Olive was sick and she had disappeared. I decided to call my dear friend Jan who has many years of experience in canine search and rescue. She is currently training her one year old yellow lab, Gray-Sea, in scent trailing. Jan didn’t know if Gray-Sea was ready for a real “job,” but we were going to find out. They arrived about 20 minutes later. Once Gray-Sea had her working harness on with the long line attached, Jan gathered a scent article of Olive’s (swiping a piece of cloth on Olive’s car blanket) and waved it under Gray-Sea’s nose and told her to go find Olive. Off Gray-Sea went with Jan and Bill following right into the thick riparian growth towards the creek.

I stayed up at the house in case Olive came back, though in reality, I couldn’t focus on anything and didn’t know what to do with myself. I hadn’t brushed my teeth or had my morning tea. So, I sat on a log beside our fire pit crossing my fingers. I couldn’t sit still so I went back into the house to make a cup of tea. After I turned on the stove, I turned it off in disgust. How could I think of myself at that moment? I headed back outside and just as I got back to the yard I heard Jan loudly saying “Good girl, Gray-Sea, good girl!” It had only been five minutes, and that sweet puppy had done her job. It was thrilling. Olive was lying down in the brush along the creek barely responsive. She was in deep trouble. Before I knew it, Bill had carried her up from the creek, put her in the car, and I was off to the emergency animal clinic.

It was July 4^th and there was only one veterinarian available, about a 40 minute drive away, a doctor I had never met. Once we arrived and the vet tech carried Olive in, it was clear that she was losing a lot of blood quickly and was close to dying. It was terrifying and traumatic, bewildering and impossible to believe, yet I felt a certain level of calm, clarity, and composure. Weird. The doctor made it clear that Olive was in very big trouble, had lost probably half of her blood volume, we didn’t know why, and that she may not live. Soon Bill arrived along with two friends who love Olive very much. There we were, four adults surrounding one dog. Many hours went by, lots of tests, lots of fluids, lots of love, and little by little, she began to stabilize just a bit; just enough for the doctor to move from pessimistic to neutral. We went home for the night completely exhausted.

On the way home I remembered an encounter I had had at the dog food store a couple of weeks prior. I overheard the clerk tell another customer that Innova dog treats had been recalled for suspected salmonella. I had just bought a bag of treats, but when I checked the brand it was Evo, not Innova. While I remember being relieved they weren’t the affected treats, I also remember thinking I should look into it further, just to be sure. I didn’t do it. When we got home from the animal hospital, I went online and looked it up and sure enough, the exact Evo dog treats were made by Natura, the same company that makes Innova products that had been recalled. The Evo treats, too, had been recalled. I called the vet, told him my suspicion that it was salmonella, and he concurred that the symptoms fit. Olive came home at the end of the next day weak, thin, alive and even managed to slowly wag her tail. It’s been a little more than three weeks and she’s not quite 100%, but getting close.

It was an extraordinary experience; one that exemplifies the uncertainty of all of our lives, how quickly things change, how impermanent everything truly is, how much everything depends on everything else, and how little control we have.  Even though we think we know this, when it happens in a dramatic or traumatic way, we are often surprised or even shocked. Anything can happen anytime, and it does. All of it or any of it could have been otherwise, and it wasn’t. 

The Noble Eightfold Path; Wise View or Understanding

Last week we began looking at The Four Noble Truths, the Buddha’s teaching on the reality of suffering, dukkha in Pali. Dukkha is also defined as distress, anxiety, and a general level of inherent dissatisfaction brought on by our continual desire, striving, and craving for things to be other than they are.

The first Truth is that suffering exists. The second is that suffering is caused by our non-stop craving. The third is that this craving can be abandoned; peace of mind and heart are possible. And the fourth is the clear prescription of how to achieve this kind of peace, specifically the Eightfold Path leading to the end of suffering. Even though there appears to be an inordinate emphasis on suffering and dissatisfaction, I appreciate that “the Buddha himself expressly stated that realization of the Four Noble Truths will be accompanied by happiness, and the noble eightfold path productive of joy.”[1] It’s a hopeful message.

“Life is filled with suffering, but it is also filled with many wonders, such as the blue sky, the sunshine, and the eyes of a baby. To suffer is not enough. We must also be in touch with the wonders of life. They are within us and all around us, everywhere, in every moment.

                      ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

As we begin the exploration of the Eightfold Path, it’s important to point out a couple of characteristics of how it is often taught. Firstly, the classical descriptions of the factors of path begin with “Right,” as in Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, etc. This can be problematic for our western minds as we compare and contrast right from wrong. Right, in this sense is not referring to right and wrong. The word “right” has been translated from the Pali word samma, and can be more accurately described as appropriate, mature or wise. This makes more sense to me. Going forward, I’ll use these words interchangeably in discussing each factor.

Secondly, even though there are eight distinct path factors, none could exist without the other. They are mutually dependent components of a whole. In addition, the Eightfold Path is typically taught in order, but in practice, it is more like a spiral or even a figure eight. We are continually circling back through the factors that help us lead an awakened and happy life. The factors of the path are wise view or understanding, thought or intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness and concentration. Further, they are typically separated into three categories or aspects of the path:

·        Wisdom includes View/Understanding and Thought/Intention

·        Morality & Ethics include Speech, Action and Livelihood

·        Meditation includes Effort, Mindfulness and Concentration

Wise View or Understanding is the starting point, the first step on the path because our views and understanding of ourselves and the world directly inform and guide our actions. The Buddha taught that mature view is established when one understands from one’s own direct experience the truth and implications of impermanence and the truth and implications of causality and conditionality, that all actions have consequences, karma.

Appropriate Understanding “is to know and experience that things come from a cause; that things are caused by other things; that they do not exist independently of the things that have formed them. But also it is to know that as conditions arise they will pass away, which takes us back to impermanence.”[2] While this may seem obvious, we still struggle with and are challenged by the continually changing conditions of our lives. And, despite ourselves and often much to our dismay, our bodies do degrade and eventually we will be separated from everything and everyone we hold dear. Yet even in light of everything we cannot control, (which is everything except our own responses) the fact remains that what we do in our lives really does matter.

When we truly understand for ourselves that our happiness and our unhappiness are dependent upon our own actions, it empowers and energizes us to make the wisest choices we can as often as possible. Clearly, difficulty arises even when we've put forth our best efforts. But when we act from our wisest self, the possibilities for happiness and living an awakened life increase. This is Wise Understanding.

And from one of my heroes, Pete Seeger…

“Realize that little things lead to bigger things…Some seeds fall in the pathway and get stamped on, and they don’t grow. Some fall on the rocks, and they don’t grow. But some seeds fall on fallow ground, and they grow and multiply a thousand fold. Who knows where some good little thing that you've done may bring results years later that you never dreamed of?”

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[1] Satipattana: The Direct Path to Realization, pg. 244, Analayo, 2003.

[2] The Spirit of the Buddha, pg. 35, Martine Batchelor, 2010

The Four Noble Truths

Last week we concluded the exploration of the Factors of Awakening by defining “awakening” within the cultural context of our everyday lay lives; living a balanced, kind and skillful life.

Formal meditation practice cultivates the aspects of mind that lead to awakening by bringing us face-to-face with the sticky, struggling, contentious mind right alongside the smooth, peaceful and relaxed mind.  Getting to know and navigating our own minds so our actions reflect wise and appropriate choices, are critical elements for living an awakened life. But it is not the end of the story.

In the next section of the Satipattana Sutta, The Four Foundations of Mindfulness, the Buddha moves into the seminal teaching of the Four Noble Truths, his profound and far-reaching understanding of the reality, cause and remedy for the suffering that is inherent in all our lives. Suffering here refers to the challenge, difficulty and anxiety that are the result of our natural resistance to the continual and constant changing conditions of our lives.

The Buddha has been compared to a physician of the mind in his ability to diagnose, identify the cause, give reassurance for the possibility of relief, and provide a specific prescription for the ailing mind.[1] The teaching on the Four Noble Truths was actually the first sermon the Buddha gave after his awakening. It is known as “Turning the Wheel of Dhamma,” the text of which can be found in many sources. I particularly like Stephen Batchelor’s translation in his book Confession of a Buddhist Atheist. A very common way the Truths are quoted and translated are as follows:

“There is Suffering. There is the Cause of Suffering. There is the End of Suffering. There is the Path to the End of Suffering. These Four Noble Truths teach suffering and the end of suffering.”

               -The Buddha[2]

I am also particularly fond of how Sylvia Boorstein explains the Truths.  She offers a logical, accessible and matter-of-fact way of relating them to our lives.  

I.                 Life is challenging. For everyone. Our physical bodies, our relationships – all of our life circumstances – are fragile and subject to change. We are always accommodating.

II.               The cause of suffering – is the mind’s struggle in response to challenge.

III.              The end of suffering – a nonstruggling, peaceful mind – is a possibility.

IV.              The program – the Eightfold Path – for ending suffering is:

1.      Wise Understanding: realizing the cause of suffering

2.      Wise Intention: motivation – inspired by understanding –to end suffering

3.      Wise Speech: speaking in a way that cultivates clarity

4.      Wise Action: behaving in ways that maintain clarity

5.      Wise Livelihood: supporting oneself in a wholesome way

6.      Wise Effort: cultivating skillful (peaceful) mind habits

7.      Wise Concentration: cultivating a steady, focused, ease-filled mind

8.      Wise Mindfulness: cultivating alert, balanced attention[3]

Another intriguing view comes from Stephen Batchelor, a Western scholar, teacher and former monk. He sees them as Tasks, not Truths because “truths” can be interpreted as dogma. The Buddha was clear that what he taught he learned by studying his own mind, not through blind faith in what someone else insisted as the accepted ‘truth.’ He consistently encouraged his followers not to believe what he said, but to explore it for themselves to discover on their own what is true. This is precisely why the Buddha’s teachings have become so widely known and practiced. It is specifically not dogma; it’s a practice with tangible, accessible and profound consequences for decreasing suffering and living a kinder more peaceful life. Here are the Four Tasks:

1.      Embrace

2.      Let Go

3.      Stop

4.      Act

“This template can be applied to every situation in life. Rather than shying away from or ignoring what is happening, embrace it with mindful attention; rather than craving to seize it or get rid of it, relax one’s grip; rather than getting caught up in a cascade of reactivity, stop and stay calm; rather than repeat what you have said and done a thousand times before, act in an empathetic and imaginative way.”

             -Stephen Batchelor, 

               Confession of a Buddhist Atheist

This is an overview of the Four Noble Truths. In the coming weeks we’ll look at each of the factors of the Eightfold Path in detail, the “tasks” for living an awakened life.

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[1] Satipattana; the Direct Path to Realization, Analayo, 2003.

[2] The Wise Heart, Jack Kornfield, 2008.

[3] Pay Attention for Goodness’ Sake, Sylvia Boorstein, 2002.

Equanimity; the 7th Factor of Awakening

Finally we come to the seventh and last of the Factors of Awakening, the fitting culmination and crown jewel, Equanimity, Upekkha in Pali. Equanimity is the balanced spacious stillness of mind that easily accommodates everything that naturally arises as it happens. As Mindfulness is the foundation and the first of the factors, Equanimity is the capstone which keeps all of the previous factors in balance.

Nyanaponika Thera, the 20^th century German scholar and Theravadin Buddhist monk describes equanimity as “a perfect, unshakable balance of mind, rooted in insight.” A perfectly balanced and unshakable mind may seem like a lofty goal, perhaps even unattainable in the busyness of our daily lives. But in our lay lives and cultural context, developing an accommodating, balanced and non-contentious mind is both possible and realistic. And it takes perseverance, patience and practice.

I think of equanimity as the quality of spacious even-mindedness that allows me to experience whatever occurs with soft, wise resilience. If I can soften my edges, there’s nothing too sharp to bump up against. Painful experiences don’t sting as much or for as long, and it’s easier to come down from and let go of even the most wonderful, exciting and joyous events. Softening allows me to release the grip of grasping and craving, and not push so hard against adversity. Sylvia Boorstein has a simple, yet poignant way of addressing the struggling mind. She says, “It’s not what I wanted, but it’s what I’ve got.” This is the expression of a balanced mind. When I respond wisely and appropriately rather than react impulsively, I’m more likely to get a better outcome and be at ease. This is how I think of Equanimity, the capacity to make room for it all, to say “this, too.”

In Buddhist practice, the natural and endlessly changing conditions of our lives are known of as “The Eight Worldly Winds.” They include:

·        Pleasure & Pain

·        Loss & Gain

·        Praise & Blame

·        Fame & Shame

Our natural inclination is to pursue and be drawn to pleasure, gain, praise and fame, just as strongly as we try to avoid and push away pain, loss, blame and shame. They are the natural and normally recurring components of our lives. When we pay attention, it is easy to see that we all experience all of these “winds” continually. The key is how we respond. Do we get blown around unable to gain a foothold? Or do we have the capacity to see these conditions for what they are as they occur and work with them in a balanced patient manner?

With equanimity we develop the resilience, skill and wisdom to ride the winds and calm the vicissitudes of our lives with greater ease and acceptance. One of my favorite teachings comes from Ajahn Sumedho, a well-known contemporary Theravadin monk. He encourages us to see things as they are, rather than how we wish them to be. “Right now, it’s like this.” In recognizing how it is, we become familiar with the varying shades of joy, anger, fear, love, sorrow, delight, sadness, grief, happiness, etc. It is through this familiarity that we learn to accommodate it all; soft, wise and resilient.

“Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a great tree in the midst of it all.”

              

-The Buddha

Here we are at the end of this exploration of the Seven Factors of Awakening, each a vital link in the chain that creates the whole. To conclude: stable and continuous mindfulness leads to investigation and discerning wisdom. This stirs up the energy and effort that leads to rapture and joy, which in turn open the door to calm and tranquility. Meditation practice is then deliberately directed towards nurturing this calm through quieting the mind and body, the fertile soil necessary for concentration to grow and develop. Finally, out of a steady and concentrated mind equanimity arises, evolves, and becomes an ever present established state of mind. Developing these factors offers a path to awakening; living a balanced, kind, and skillful life.