Pausing to Breathe

As we finish up the exploration of the ethical practices of the Eightfold Path, it could be easy to look at wise speech, wise action and wise livelihood as a set of guidelines about what not to do. Here is a lovely way to approach the ethical precepts from a more positive stance. This comes from James Baraz in his beautiful book, Awakening Joy. Instead of:

Don’t Kill: Honor All Life

Don’t Steal: Share Your Time and Resources

Don’t Misuse Sexuality: Take Care with Sexual Energy, Respecting Boundaries and Offering Safety

Don’t use Harsh Speech: Speak Kindly and Carefully

Don’t use Intoxicants that Cause Heedlessness: Develop a Clear Mind and Health Body

These ethical precepts are life-long practices that require ardency, dedication, constancy, and the willingness to show up for our lives by truly paying attention. We may never get it exactly right, but that’s not really the point. The point is to live our lives with the intention towards goodwill and harmlessness for ourselves and others. And hopefully with practice, we’ll do that more often than not.

So, taking a breath this week to relish the last week of summer and the coming of fall, here’s a poem printed in the current issue of The Sun magazine.

Thinking

Don’t you wish they would stop,

all the thoughts swirling around in your head like

bees in a hive, dancers tapping their way across the stage?

I should rake the leaves in the carport, buy Christmas lights.

Is there really life on Mars? What will I cook for dinner?

There’s frost on the front lawn, dry branches

on the stoop. I walk up the driveway to put out the garbage

and think: I should stop using plastic bags,

call my friend whose husband just left her for the nanny

from Sweden, a place I might like to visit.

I wish I hadn’t said Patrick’s painting looked “ominous.”

Maybe that’s why he hasn’t answered my e-mails.

Does the car need oil? There’s a hole in the ozone

the size of Texas, and everything seems to be speeding up.

Come, let’s stand by the window and look out

at the light on the field. Let’s watch how

the clouds cover the sun, and almost nothing

stirs in the grass.

~Danusha Lameris

Wise Livelihood

Following Wise Speech and Wise Action, the third of the ethical practices of the Eightfold Path is Wise Livelihood. In the foundational teachings of the Buddha, Wise Livelihood is defined as earning one’s living through wholesome avenues, those that do not bring harm to oneself or others. One’s work should be legal, peaceful, and honest; without coercion or violence, manipulation or deceit. Additionally, any profession or occupation that violates wise speech or wise action is a wrong form of livelihood as it inherently causes harm.[1] As an example, one can be skilled at wise speech but be involved in the illegal drug or weapons trade. This would be both wrong action and wrong livelihood, and therefore breech the Buddhist ethical practices.  

Wise livelihood is not only defined by how our work affects others, but also how it affects us. As I think back over the last 30 years of my working life, my most difficult time was while I was a nurse working in the hospital setting. While from the outside nursing appears to be the epitome of wholesomeness (and in many ways I believe it is), for me it was fraught with so many bumps and bruises characteristic of unhealthy work-place interpersonal dynamics; competition, distrust, poor communication, difficult hours, jealousy, and lack of advocacy all within the confines of a demeaning hierarchical political structure while facing straight-on the frailty of life and certainty of death, every moment of every day. 

It didn’t work for me, and it was painful to face the truth that the profession I had chosen was hurting me and by extension, my young family. I was really suffering. It was such a relief early one morning when I came home from a night shift barely able to keep my eyes open thoroughly exhausted and feeling demoralized when my husband said, “You know…you don’t have to do this work.”

Right there was the truth of impermanence, the truth of suffering, and the truth of karma. Things could and would change, I was in pain, and my happiness and unhappiness was so clearly dependent upon my own actions and no one else’s wishes for me. Either I was going to do something about it or stay stuck in the muck. It was actually pretty good news! I did leave hospital nursing and I’ve never looked back. Because we spend so much of our lives working, if we can make the wise choices that translate to a wise livelihood and a happier life, we may as well give it a try.

One of the core teachings of the Buddha is cultivating the capacity to know the difference between skillful and unskillful action; those that lead to our long-term welfare and happiness and those that lead to further distress and suffering. In times of self-reflection you can ask yourself “What, when I do it, will lead to my long-term welfare and happiness?”[2] It’s a great question. It accesses your deepest wisdom. Another way to ask this same question might be to say “What would my 85 year-old self tell me to do?” I hope that by the time I’m 85, I will have reached the fullness of my wisdom.

When I was young and was asked the proverbial question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I would bristle and think ‘I just want to be myself.’ My mother used to say “Find out what you’re good at and do it for all you’re worth.” That was pretty good, but it still didn’t quite get me to the core.  I think one of the most useful questions for teasing out one’s path comes from Howard Thurman. He said,

              

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive." 

If we can tap into and develop our passion, what really makes us come alive, I believe we each have a much better chance of spending our lives doing what brings out our most wise, effective and happy selves.

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[1] Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Noble Eightfold Path; Way to the End of Suffering, 1994.

[2] Thanissaro Bhikku, Selves & Not Self, 2011

Wise Action

The thought manifests as the word
The word manifests as the deed
The deed develops into habit
And the habit hardens into character
So watch the thought and its ways with care
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings

This is one of my favorite pieces of wisdom from the Buddha because I think it’s really true. I know that when my mind thinks caring and kind thoughts, my speech and actions will likely follow suit. I feel clear and at ease. Or if my mind is caught in contention with whatever is happening, I hope I’ll have enough restraint and wisdom to keep from acting in a harmful way.

In the classical Buddhist teachings of the Noble Eightfold Path, Wise or Right Action are those actions that are rooted in harmlessness. The Buddha gives specific guidelines in the form of precepts; a code of ethical conduct to be followed by lay Buddhist practitioners. Really, they aren’t so specific to Buddhism; they’re simply the skillful and harmless way of living. You’ll recognize them.

1.      Abstain from taking life; don’t kill

2.      Abstain from taking anything that has not been freely given; don’t steal

3.      Abstain from the misuse of sexuality

4.      Abstain from using harmful or false speech; don’t lie

5.      Abstain from the use of intoxicants to the degree that the mind becomes clouded and causes heedlessness

At first glance, these precepts seem quite obvious, but in actuality they may be more difficult to carry out. How far do we take not killing? What about the ants carrying aphids to the artichoke plants or string beans in the garden? What about that magazine on the table in the waiting room at the dentist’s office that has an article you’d like to read? And how do we express our sexuality and in what environments? How about the time we said something in public that was told to us in confidence and caused a friend humiliation? And, the consequences of drinking too much or using other intoxicants are well-known.

Our actions really do have consequences, whether in the immediate or somewhere down the line. This is the law of karma. In fact, karma translates as action. I remember a difficult time in my life many years ago when I desperately wanted to be in relationship with a person who did not share my sentiments. I did everything I could think of to change the situation, but nothing worked. In fact, nearly every encounter I had brought me pain, seemingly endless pain. One day a trusted friend said it was like watching me repeatedly sit in a four-legged chair that was missing a leg. Each time I sat in that broken chair, I fell on the ground.

The Buddha taught that our happiness and unhappiness are dependent upon our own actions, not on anyone else’s wishes for us. This is what it means to be the heir to our own karma. The truth that we really can and do directly influence our lives through our own actions is a profoundly liberating statement. When our motivations and intentions come from harmlessness and goodwill, we are likely to act wisely. I find that when I really pay attention, I am my own best guide making the best choices I can. Abraham Lincoln said it well,

   “When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That is my religion.”

Here is a wonderful piece from Portia Nelson, the 20^th C musician, artist, and writer. It so perfectly illustrates how our actions become habit and how by really noticing and being deliberate we can actually make a different choice, perhaps the wiser choice.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

 Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost…. I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in this the same place!

But, it isn't my fault.

And it still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in... it's a habit…but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down a different street. 

from There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery 

A Poem for the Week

Happiness

So early it’s still almost dark,

I’m near the window with coffee

And the usual early morning stuff

That passes for thought

When I see the boy and his friend

Walking up the road

To deliver the newspaper.

They wear caps and sweaters

And one boy has a bag over his shoulder.

They are so happy.

They aren’t saying anything, these boys.

I think if they could, they would take

Each other’s arm.

It’s early in the morning,

And they are doing this thing together.

They come on, slowly.

The sky is taking on light,

Though the moon still hangs pale over the water.

Such beauty that for a minute

Death and ambition, even love,

Doesn’t enter into this.

Happiness. It comes on

Unexpectedly. And goes beyond, really,

Any early morning talk about it.

           Raymond Carver

Enjoy your week. May your happiness grow, and may it continue.

Literally Speaking… Sticks & Stones

I’m a very literal person. Sometimes I see words as I speak, and I see words as I hear them. So you can imagine as a child when my mother would admonish me to “Watch your mouth!” after I’d said something unkind or sarcastic, I would try scrunching and twisting up my face trying to literally watch my mouth as I said “You mean like this?” I think it must have infuriated her.

As a kid, I was never part of the “in” crowd. From about third grade through fifth grade, I was the butt of many jokes. My hair was long, dark, extremely thick and frizzy, my body was chunky, I had buck teeth, and I loved musicals. During lunch or recess my friend, Cindy, and I would stand under a enormous oak tree at the edge of the playground and take turns singing songs from Oliver!, The Sound of Music, or Hair auditioning  for each other and then grading the other’s performance. I was a nerd.

PE was a dreaded time of day, as I suffered the regular humiliation of being picked last for every team, not able to do a single push-up or pull-up, climb a rope or run with any speed.  I frequently feigned sick so I could go to the Principal’s office to avoid that 45 minutes of torture. The playground was an even more dangerous and scary place. Without much supervision, I was an easy target for kids whose entertainment was bullying other kids. For me, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” was completely untrue. The names and the words were just as painful as the imagined sticks and stones.

Preceded by Wise Thought and Intention, Wise Speech is the next and third step of practice of the Eightfold Path. The Buddha defined Wise Speech as speech that is truthful, useful, kind, gentle and appropriate. By using language that meets these requirements, we cannot help but access our innate goodwill.  By watching our thoughts and intentions, we will be more likely to catch ourselves before saying something we’ll later regret. It’s hard to overstate the importance of how we use language, either written or spoken. What we say matters and how we express ourselves profoundly influences the effectiveness of our message. And, it is a lifelong practice.

“Like a beautiful flower,

                      Brightly colored with scent,

               So are well-spoken words,

                      Fruitful when carried out.”

                               The Buddha, the Dhammapada

Try dedicating a week, a day, or even an hour to speech practice in any of the following ways. This is a challenging practice that requires steady patient mindfulness, so pick just one. Once you begin, if you forget about the practice, just note that you’ve forgotten and begin again.

·        Say only what is precisely true; no distortions either by omission, embellishments, or exaggerations, just the facts.

·        Only speak if what you have to say is helpful, not just because it feels good to say it.

·        Deliberately avoid gossip by resisting speaking about anyone not present.

·        Use kind words motivated by kind thoughts and intentions. Restrain yourself if this isn’t possible.

·        Speak gently, not harshly. Notice the quality of the thoughts before speaking.

·        Use good timing by making sure that what you’d like to say is appropriate to the situation.

·        Notice if you’re planning your response while the other person is speaking. When this occurs, you’ve probably stopped listening.

·        Pause before responding. This gives you time to gather your thoughts, check in with your intentions and choose your words well.

The benefits of these practices are good for everyone. When I think about experiences that have given me the most joy, the most love, and the secure feeling of being valued, it’s undoubtedly kind words that have had the greatest impact.  Likewise, some of my most painful experiences, whether I was the giver or the receiver, have been caused by unkind, mean-spirited words, either written or spoken.

I know that when my intentions are clear and motivated by goodwill, and when I am really paying attention to my language and the tone of my voice, the quality of my interactions is kinder, more genuine, and more respectful, even and especially with difficult conversations.

    “When talking, 

      I should speak from my heart on what is relevant,

      Making the meaning clear and the speech pleasing.

      I should not speak out of desire or hatred,

      But in gentle tones and in moderation.”

           Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life

Intention for the Week

Think Kind Thoughts, Use Kind Words

Last week was the first anniversary of our daughter’s wedding. All week long I kept finding myself remembering the sweetness, the love, the joy, the delicious food, music, and gorgeous gardens, but mostly remembering the palpable goodwill and generosity of everyone there. Weddings are like that; they help us let go of ourselves long enough to feel the joy of others and for others, and offer blessings of love and living a life of kindness. There is a lot to be said for thinking good thoughts.

The second factor of the Eightfold Path is Wise Thought or Intention. I like to think of it as both thought and intention because they are not the same as each other. The mind thinks thoughts, but it’s what we do with those thoughts that matters. In the classical Buddhist teachings, Wise Thought/Intention is comprised of three components: renunciation, (letting go of the quality of desire that keeps us locked in the handcuffs of incessant craving), goodwill, and harmlessness. For instance, having an unkind thought and not acting on it is an example of all three components. In fact, noticing the unkind thought and deliberately letting it go and replacing it with a kind thought is not only skillful and well-intended, but good for the mind and heart, one’s spirit.

The thought manifests as the word
The word manifests as the deed
The deed develops into habit
And the habit hardens into character
So watch the thought and its ways with care
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings[1]

The Buddha taught that “what one frequently thinks and ponders upon will become the inclination of the mind.” This is really true. As I found myself reminiscing about the wedding, I felt happy and uplifted. Conversely, anger works the same way. A person who has predominantly angry thoughts is likely to feel unhappy, distressed and angry. The brain works likes that.

 Another way of saying this comes from neuroscience. “In 1949, Donald Hebb, a Canadian neuropsychologist, wrote what has become known as Hebb’s axiom: ‘Neurons that fire together wire together.’ Each experience we encounter, whether a feeling, a thought, a sensation—and especially those that we are not aware of—is embedded in thousands of neurons that form a network (“net”). Repeated experiences become increasingly embedded in this net, making it easier for the neurons to fire (respond to the experience), and more difficult to unwire or rewire them to respond differently.”[2]

Further, the brain has a natural negativity bias, as if it’s Velcro for the difficult and Teflon for the pleasant. This is actually very good news because with mindfulness practice, we train ourselves to notice thoughts and then be deliberate about what to do about them. It’s been shown that by focusing on positive thoughts for 30 seconds five times per day, and noticing how they feel, moments of well-being, that over time we can actually change our wiring making our default setting closer to the happiness end of the spectrum.[3] I think that is amazing.

What’s even more amazing to me is that the Buddha figured that out 2,500 years ago through his explorations of his own mind.

All experience is preceded by mind,

Led by mind,

Made by mind.

Speak or act with a corrupted mind,

And suffering follows

As the wagon wheel follows the hoof of the ox.

All experience is preceded by mind,

Led by mind,

Made by mind.

Speak or act with a peaceful mind,

And happiness follows

Like a never-departing shadow.

               The Buddha, The Dhammapada

And for our more contemporary minds, this comes from a dear friend, 

         “Think kind thoughts, use kind words.”

 I love that. It really encompasses the intent of mindfulness practice. Perhaps it’s the whole of the Dharma.

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[1] Unknown source, though sometimes attributed to the Buddha and other contemporary teachers

[2] Curt Thompson, MD, www.beingknown.com, July 14, 2010

[3] James Baraz, Awakening Joy, 2010